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February 14, 2007

I don't know if showing a little leg to a judge has ever worked in getting a sentence reduced, but I'm pretty sure it's never worked for a 64 year-old, 366 lb. defendant:

A picture may be worth a thousand words, but a whole stack of them did not suit this self-styled seer to the stars.

"Can I show you my legs?" Caryville psychic David Marius Guardino, 64, asked Senior U.S. District Judge James H. Jarvis Tuesday.

In fairness, it appears he wasn't trying to addle the judge with his good looks:

"Come on up here," Jarvis responded, setting the stage for a surreal courtroom encounter in which Jarvis stood up from the bench and peered over it to watch as Guardino hoisted his pant legs to convince the judge he deserves judicial mercy because of health woes.

Sexy or sad, Mr. Guardino's legs didn't impress the judge:

Guardino was facing Jarvis on Tuesday to be sentenced for failing to pay taxes on $1 million he's earned from his soothsaying. With an earlier federal conviction for bilking customers, Guardino's bid for mercy was in trouble from the start.

It also didn't help that Jarvis considered most of Guardino's health woes to be the result of his obesity. Guardino has weighed in at nearly 500 pounds, though he told Jarvis he's dropped down to 366.

"What came first - the overweight (condition) or the leg problem?" Jarvis asked at one point...

...[Defense Attorney] Moffatt asked for probation. Jarvis refused and instead hit Guardino with a 21-month prison term, a figure on the high end of the penalty range the psychic faced.

Yes, the gift of clairvoyance is indeed overrated.

UPDATE: I should hope it's not overrated; I seem to have the gift myself.

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