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JUDGE SPANKS NUDE SURVIVOR

May 16, 2006

Outwitted by the tax law and outplayed by the IRS, the first winner of the "Survivor" TV series now must outlast a 51-month prison term.

U.S. District Judge Ernest Torres sentenced Richard Hatch on tax evasion charges today in Providence, R.I. The sentence was at least a year longer than expected because the judge said Mr. Hatch lied in court.

How could the judge doubt this story:

The reality champ's defense attorney dropped a bombshell Friday at Hatch's federal tax evasion trial, alleging that Survivor producers struck a deal with Hatch while he was a contestant on the show, agreeing to pay the taxes on his million-dollar prize if he won.

The bargain purportedly came about after Hatch allegedly caught some of his fellow contestants cheating by having friends sneak food to them on the island. He told producers, who ultimately attempted to buy his silence, the story goes.

Of course. He was the only honest guy on the show. He catches his opponents cheating and tells the producers, who corruptly buy his silence by promising to pay his taxes if he wins. Then they don't corruptly keep him from winning. And they welsh on the deal.

Uh huh.

I predicted a 36-month sentence, based on federal sentencing guidelines. I didn't realize that he really got on the wrong side of the judge. Good thing I'm not anybody's defense attorney.

The TaxProf has the definitive roundup, but I have the headline that will get the creepiest search engine hits.

Link: Tax Update coverage of Richard Hatch.

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