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GUILTY, IN STANDARD ENGLISH

August 16, 2007

Funky punctuation didn't help Frederick Kriemelmeyer, the LaCrosse dentist we mentioned yesterday. Jurrors found him guilty on four tax charges yesterday. From LaCrosseTribune.com

Frederick G. Kriemelmeyer, 58, faces a maximum penalty of 12 years in prison at his Oct. 8 sentencing before District Judge Barbara Crabb.

During the two-day trial, Crabb did not allow most of Kriemelmeyer’s defense, including claims that the indictment and other court documents weren’t legal because they were written in standard English, which Kriemelmeyer calls a "fictional" or "false conveyance of the language."

It turns out that funky punctuation wasn't his only defense:

In his closing argument Tuesday, Kriemelmeyer, who represented himself, told jurors he used a barter system with patients that allowed him to avoid paying taxes. Kriemelmeyer also said he was paid in silver, which Kriemelmeyer said isn’t taxable income because it’s not mentioned in the Internal Revenue Service code.

He should have used some of that silver for a good lawyer.

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